At various points in my life, I have been encouraged to “let go” and allow the Holy Spirit to move. I didn’t fully appreciate what that phrase meant until 2021 when my wife, Whitney, and I became parents to Colin, our third son. This was not a “normal” pregnancy. At 12 weeks, we learned that Colin had a life-limiting diagnosis and, at 34 weeks, his heart stopped and he was delivered stillborn. Despite being the youngest of 7 children with 5 sisters and 1 brother, I tend to try and control things more so than “let go.” When Whitney and I received this news in November 2020, our world was rocked. Prior to Colin, we were blessed to be parents of two healthy, rockstar children, Liam and Emmett. It was not even on our radar that a challenging pregnancy could even be a thing. Yet there we were at the OB’s office at our initial ultrasound. I will never forget the initial pause and hesitation from the doctor. When he requested another set of eyes to look at the ultrasound, I knew something was up. We were told at that first visit that our baby had a cystic hygroma, and that we would need to follow up with maternal and fetal medicine. My initial reaction was to reach for my phone to look up what that was. Whitney, as she often does, pulled me back to reality, pushed my phone down, and we just held each other’s hands. Throughout the remainder of the pregnancy, we learned more and more about our son at each visit. We learned about all of his deficits caused by a chromosome 17 deletion. We knew our time with him would be limited. We knew that we needed to be open and honest at age appropriate levels with our older sons, who were 3 and 2 years old at the time. To put it simply, we knew that this was not going to be an easy journey.
I reflect back on our pregnancy with Colin and can now appreciate how Whitney and I were challenged to have deeper conversations about our faith, about parenting a child with a life limiting diagnosis, and about the movement of the Holy Spirit. Of course, there were moments of desolation, but there were also genuine moments of consolation. Despite all of the challenges, our time with Colin brought about greater opportunities to deepen my faith, as long as I remained open to the Holy Spirit. I realized during this time that the Holy Spirit remains actively present in our lives. There were times where, out of frustration, prayer just wasn’t on my radar. The control in me just wanted to fix things on my own. Once I realized though that I had very little, if any, control over Colin’s health and his experience in the womb, the more I realized that my roles as a husband and father were simply going to be different. My role as a father now grew to having important, age-appropriate conversations with my two sons about their brother and about how God creates every body differently, and to still engage with Colin in the womb because he was still there kicking, moving, and growing in his own, unique way. My role as a husband expanded to appreciating more deeply the beauty of motherhood and being grateful for the role that Whitney played and continues to play in her vocations as wife and mother.
Fast forward to 2023. Whitney and I received the news that we were pregnant again. Thanks be to God, this pregnancy progressed normally with very few, serious health complications. On January 25, 2024, we welcomed another boy, Teagan, to our family. I continue to feel a tremendous amount of gratitude to our Lord for the arrival of our son, Teagan. Since his birth, I have reflected many times on the sanctity of life. Often taken for granted, life, beginning at the moment of conception, truly is a gift. Juxtaposing my time in the hospital with Colin after his delivery with that of Teagan’s, I realize that there are many differences, but also many similarities. No, Colin didn’t need diaper changes. We didn’t have to keep quiet in the hospital room (even though we instinctively did!). But when I held Colin and then a few years later held Teagan, I fully realized that life is a gift from God, and, as fathers, we have a major responsibility of raising up children in the faith, no matter their age or time with us.
On this Father’s Day, I would like to encourage all dads to “let go.” Explore that deeper and offer that up in prayer. Ask Jesus what He would like for you to let go of in your life, and let that be a gift to you on this Father’s Day. Perhaps you need to kick a bad habit, or maybe your role as father is shifting as your child is growing up and becoming more independent. Whatever it may be, discern with the Lord what it is that you need to let go. Then, follow that up by praying a Litany of Trust because we can only let go when we truly trust in Jesus and realize we need Him. Letting go without having a firm trust in the Lord has left me feeling empty and, oftentimes more frustrated, spiraling me back to desiring more control. So protect yourself as you let go and pray a Litany of Trust. I will be praying for all fathers on this Fathers Day, so that, in our vocation of fatherhood, we remain open to the movement of the Holy Spirit; that we find ways to strengthen our own prayer habits to then be ready to give more of ourselves; and that we continue to be the best husbands we can be for our wives. St. Joseph, pray for us!