The picture below looks pretty generic. No faces. Just a mix of arms and legs and bodies. For me, this picture is my heart. My husband and I didn’t know it but I was newly pregnant with our second child when we took these family pictures for our daughter’s 1st birthday. We also didn’t know that our baby would be born into heaven just a few weeks later.
To say that a miscarriage isn’t easy is such a massive understatement. As I am writing this and trying to put into words all that I experienced during that time 8 years ago, all I can do is cry. I suppose some experiences can only be expressed through tears. That time was such a blur but in a different way from the “newborn blur” that happens after giving birth to a healthy, living child. I remember what feels like every second of the “birthing” of this baby’s body, but very little of the before and after. Along with the blurred memories, there was this whole other host of feelings instead of the joy and thankfulness of having a healthy child in my arms. There was (unjustified but extremely common) self blame, the feeling of utter and complete helplessness, frustration and anger towards my body, not having a clue of what to do or how to do it, and, of course, the “My God, My God why have you forsaken me?” moments (Matthew 27:46).
I became a Prayer Ambassador with Lily of the Valley Catholic Ministry in the Fall of 2023 because I thought that it was an easy thing to do. Prayer ambassadors do exactly what it sounds like they would do – they pray for others when asked. When someone reaches out to LOTV with a request for prayers, the word is passed to our group of prayer ambassadors. We do whatever form of prayer we can do for that specific intention – a quick prayer asking for God’s loving and powerful hands to be with those in need of them, a Hail Mary, a Rosary, or whatever is possible in that moment. Sounds simple enough, right? However, being a Prayer Ambassador has ended up being an incredibly transformative act in my life. It has taught me that intercessory prayer holds others up in ways that hands can’t. It has brought my faith to the forefront of my mind. It has brought prayer in all its various forms into my daily life, an example that has trickled down to my husband and three living children. All of this has resoundingly taught me one of the greatest lessons – that God’s hand is in it all. That he does the impossible by creating a ripple effect of light from the darkest moments. I never imagined that my seemingly simple and small “yes” to pray for those in their time of need would lead to such goodness in my and my family’s life. God moves mountains, even those we don’t even know need to be moved.
Some choose to keep miscarriage private (which was our choice) while others choose to share their pain and tears. There truly is no right way to handle this experience, only what feels right in your own heart and soul. Regardless of if you choose to tell others about your experience, I strongly recommend contacting LOTV. My miscarriage experience would have been different if LOTV had been a resource for me. I would have been able to reach out to someone and know that prayers were being said for my husband and I within minutes. We would have been able to ask the kinds of questions that a medical provider can’t answer, both spiritual and logistical. Most importantly, their support would have helped me feel heavenly hands holding me up, letting me know God saw me in even the darkest of dark moments. That He was there, holding me and weeping by my side.
The power of prayer is so incredibly real; all that God asks is that we use it.
Katie H.